Within you, however, is still the unreleased emotion from each event – a bit like a filing cabinet – you open the drawer and the files are bulging and overflowing – it is time to take one out and start to see if you really need all those papers – can they now be shredded and consigned to the recycling bin?
So, take any emotion you like – the one that keeps cropping up in your life again and again, decide if you really are going to DEAL with it, or, just COPE, telling yourself ‘well that’s just the way I am’ – NO - it is the way of behaving you developed in order to survive,
then it was useful, now it is a hindrance.
What does your rulebook say about this emotion? – does it allow you to express, or, are you supposed to always have a smile on your face? Does it fall under the category of TABOO, MUST NOT? Do you agree or would you like to change the rule?
This is where it helps to have pen and paper – at the top write the name of the emotion and then start writing whatever comes to mind – do not censor, worry about spelling, grammar, language or anything else – just write, if you start repeating a word or a phrase again and again – great – do it – if your pen starts drawing or doodling or scratching across the paper – better still. Write till you feel to stop – no one but you ever needs to see what has been written so you can be completely honest.
When you feel the time is right, burn it and put the ashes in the garden – it is emotional manure – best consigned to the earth. Do this as often as you need to and in due course the intensity of the emotion will reduce as you write, the handwriting will alter, the phrases make more sense and you will have found yet another rule you were obeying without being consciously aware of it.
You can do this with any emotion whatsoever, pain, sadness, grief, anger, hatred, jealousy, resentment, envy, love, anything – over time you will begin to identify the
physical sensations that go with each emotion and be better able to instantly know what emotion you are feeling, truly able to accept all emotional feeling as equally valid, be able to function perfectly well, even when in the midst of deep emotions.
You will begin to identify which emotional file is getting full and needs emptying – do you need to have a good laugh, a good cry, a temper tantrum? This way your emotional filing cabinet will always be manageable.
As you grow in this acceptance of all emotional states, you will find ways to express them constructively, instead of destructively, see them as a many coloured kaleidoscope enhancing the human state, just like the weather – rain, cloud, sunshine, ice, snow, all have their own beauty and their own place in the pattern and serve a very valuable purpose,
none can we really do without.
The added perks are that you will be able to accept this in others, no longer feel the need to stop them crying because you feel uncomfortable with the display of emotion, and so on. The freer you become the more freedom you will be able to allow others to be themselves. Thus the spiral moves upward and outward, not, downward and inward.
Next are some other techniques you can start using to help yourself
Anger – go scrub the kitchen, the cooker, the bath, dig the garden, tear up old newspapers, plump up the cushions, the pillows, use the punch bag in the local gym, kick a football, dance energetically, thus dissipating the energy by expressing it in a energetic constructive fashion, you will feel great, not fear feeling anger, your environment will benefit.
Fear – make out a list of all you are afraid of (even mild anxiety) then rate each one on a scale of 1-10, start doing the one that is the least fearful to you – keep doing this until you can cross it off the list work you way up. By the time you get to the more fearful ones you will have gained experience in DOING, have discovered your fears were only in your own mind, discovered a rule built on the MISPERCEPTIONS of a child, learnt more about your own abilities, taken back your power, discovered your innovative self.
Love – does this sound strange to you – surely everyone wants love – YES – but to those unused to it, LOVE can be as difficult to handle as the so called negative emotions. – start by writing about Love – notice what you feel emotionally, what sensations you experience physically – give yourself little treats – an outing, flowers, leisure time, all the things you would like to have but haven’t given yourself, hug a cushion, hug a hot water bottle, hug yourself, teach yourself slowly, allow yourself to be more friendly, express pleasure or appreciation to others when you feel it, change the way you respond to others until YOU feel comfortable with experiencing this emotion. Be like a bud slowly opening into a beautiful flower.
Remember, when first you start – just like cleaning a house that has not been touched for years – it will be obvious and overwhelming – so do it a bit at a time and rest often. Then just like the house slowly starts to look and feel cleaner, you better know where and what to move out. At any one stage you can stop, shut the door and only come back to it when you feel ready – slowly you will be able to see more of the house, the number of rooms, the layout of the rooms, etc – you can then arrange it your way. By cleaning daily you will never again have to clear out a house no one has touched for centuries.
So, in the same way that you find time in your daily schedule to clean your physical form, find time to clean your emotional form, write about your feelings that day – express all of them and notice what happens in your life and your physical self – as you daily feed your physical form – do the same with the emotional self – what food does it need, music, time in the garden, a chat with friends, a hobby – have fun finding out more of this aspect of you. As you learn and grow – take time to hold your hand out to others along life’s way – share your knowledge – give yourself even greater pleasure – help the
family of man become just that – a loving family – nurturing and supportive of its members.
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